August

I look forward to autumn and the pungent air. The head of a cotton candy and tired. Spring good rhythm is gone and you feel quite impossible that this sometimes manage to skarppaamaan. I have not signed up to the University, the Master's scared it. Remains fully in its infancy, and somehow not currently believe in and it started to receive ideas. I guess now seriously even consider among the study failure, but I feel pretty helpless about it. I think I should just take the bull by the horns and start writing. I guess it must be something someday. The upcoming school year should be the last year as studying, at least to this degree. So, I guess I said this level, so I do not know. Time to slow job that I have.

Something success has occurred; I started last week, the sugar strike, and I have not yet repsahtanut ever! (Well, okay, once I was able to a little bit ...) I'm so hooked on sugar senseless, that kofeiiniaddiktionikaan is nothing compared to this. Three days I suffered from headaches, but now the feeling is beginning to be good. Sugar has been a big part of my diet just since childhood, and even when I did not eat just about anything, could be the only meal of my day to be half the sugar donut. So, tell me something, and sugar in a common journey. Of course I eat fruits, etc. Now, but all the goodies and added sugars is the prohibition altogether, at least for a while, until I can reasonably might learn how to eat them. If they are then no longer needs all, you never know. I think it's wishful thinking.

My Life

My life has become a man! But not so good, that something huonoakin, for I am very fond of, and he did not, maybe. Yes I am thinking very rationally, that if I give this job awful lot of space in my opinion, and I do not get anything in return, must come hommalle end. This situation leads to the kind of anxiety that makes the mental jump on the walls, but not discouraging. Black is wonderful that I can finally fall in love and suffer just the usual heartaches. Of course, the thinking that it is a man not fond of, because I'm too fat and ugly and stupid.

There has been other good things. I think it has finally come to Kandi and I even had a job interview in one mission in their own field. That, too, is a bit of a waiting mode, that whether it is work or not ... Christmas season was, therefore, quite a climbing on the walls. Cures nervousness by running water in the rain and probably forced a point to go run some more.

Terrifically has therefore happened and taken place, more than what the total probably many many years. Life suppose to start last win.

The Finals

That is, defects of days in this cabin! I have a very ambivalent attitude towards the issue. I have long wanted to change, and suitable for the cabin has been underway since last autumn. Not only really find a suitable, then no. In April, by chance I came across the apartment, which was not anywhere near what was originally the home and I'm looking for something else anyway as I had thought and hoped. I went to see, and there it was, my future home. I knew that my need to change here. Now, however, is moving closer to the bottom of the abdomen become a kind of feeling, that is why I would move. I have a pretty good here, and I would not want to change anything. Is the center, however, too long a journey, stomach, I hate to go by bus!

Basically, I am therefore excited to change and I'm pretty sure that the new housing to improve the quality of life, but it only jossittelija has been unleashed again. I would not be too tired to look for and visit the displays, get excited and always to be disappointed again.

I found inner peace is, therefore, been put to the test in recent times. And certainly living longer facilitate this taking over the cabin moving boxes. Should pack, but I will try to postpone it a little later. On the other hand the same effort I guess they are full of empty boxes would look like. Saved, at least for the last-minute panic, if the goods are not fit any room for mini boxes.

loose thoughts

1. closets I cleaned and I found that I have a pile of too large or just epäistuvia pants. Throwing away or keep, that's while I'm doing a big puzzle. Closet space is so low that I did not like to retain anything in vain. On the other hand I have a hard jojoilemaan with the weight of the äkkiäkös while they may be quite suitable (even if I think about that so fat I no longer ever!). And I might be a little too hamstraajaluonne, and I just do not want to give up on good clothes, even if they do not fit me at all.

2. I read old diaries and listened to the music of my favorites ever teen Apulantaa and CMX. Nostalgic. Yes I am convinced that no one has been so difficult adolescence than I'm doing, heh. The miracle that I'm such a sane at the moment ... And in general alive.

3. I have considered the performance of the second degree, because this current now is just not good enough. I do not know where this idea comes from. For I this qualification (which has not even finished!) Any work not even applied, but only for some reason, I am of the view that they also can get. Second Degree should then somebody Law, of course. Are you interested in it, even to me? Hardly. Surely this is only when this traditional thinking, and then I'll show her. And I would do then, however, there will always be something else.

Another Sick Day

Repeat weeks sick. First, ear infection, during which the continued my activism, I stood frozen solid and wet shoes outside for more than two hours. It directly to the play with a small nose runny nose, and a couple of days ago started a terrible flu. Now the feeling is getting better. Today I was cleaning the chaos in power have been my home and washed my hair. I changed was disgusting sheets and towels are clean laundry. I baked buns coconut custard and I ate probably five just for the joy that after a long time I tasted something. And I think I'll eat for supper yet one more.

There was no time to consider all kinds, but more of them maybe another time. At the moment, immensely irritating to the new home of hunting, which has been going on since August. On the other hand I do not have nothing to worry about, but annoying is this discovery. Whenever you can find someone wonderful, then it goes to someone else. Kind of like miehissäkin :)

February

The beginning of this year has been an exceptional time in some way. I have studied more than for a long time, but had time, however, to keep the "holiday" and stare at a few seasons Gilmore girls almost the tube. Or maybe these studies should say that after a long time of my activity has produced some results, that is, the concrete study credit register. So I got things ready! Perhaps the most surprised by the fact that it has been pretty easy. That's where I have been able to focus many hours in a row and the number of days in a row, and I am one of the intermediate days of the entry is also not wearing gloves thrown into the bar. And passed an exam or sent to work, even though I was unsure as to whether or not I will succeed. I've managed to cross that threshold as well as the arvosanallisesti also doing very well. I am very confused. I thought of myself as miserable as a student who does not know anything, nor will be able to learn anything. I have to admit that I seem to have been wrong.

Rage

Today has been, frankly, a shitty day. It all started with a very efficient studying five hours, the end of which returned the last of kandiopintoihin work. Homma has actually been in arrears for a year, but really already from the second year of studies. I went for lunch, gym and sauna, I came home and Rage-Raija got loose again. The Mailbox waited just poo, and the clock was suitably four and not any longer able to make a call. Aside from the Social Insurance Institution, there was a telephone least up to six. MTT was posted on the decline of the B's opinion, which I still have not received. Then I became angry and depressed when I realized maybe split the postman at one of its neighbor's box. Then you have to change the name and change at least, if that is the case. I do not yes would read anyone else's letters, but this house is home to so juntteja people that I'm not surprised someone even if they read the game. Tomorrow'll call you in the morning MTT, but I do not think that there is nobody to answer. There is so strange office hours, or essentially unpredictable. Then I find out whether start looking for new homes, and the name of kiikuttamaan exchange papers with the local register office.

Wednesday

I have not done anything this week. On Monday, I went to college, but only for lunch. Since then I have been at home and only visited the shop downstairs. I stared at the series and immersed in the fictional lives of people. I not only your own life now, too tired to live. To do list is the length of a thousand, and I do not do anything. Okay, I'm lying: I do not have even that list. Those things are in one of the bowels of the e-mail box with this super messed up on the desktop and even messed up my memory. In general, I have been quite clear about exactly what to do, but now I'm really disorganized. There is no strength even to write those lists. At the moment, I guess goes pretty badly.

Comfort food stressful for the heart

It makes you want to write, but there are no words for what I feel.

I lost my grandmother. Sorrow is great, even if it is just to have known, that this will ever happen. I just was not thinking about that now still.

I'm too stressed out from studying, volunteer myself of harvested hommista and finding work placements. It seems that here there was nothing. I'm like divided - another me running so fast, that the thoughts keep up and the other is sleeping under duvets in winter sleep. Tomorrow is the exam, I try to calm down and keep myself together so that I could read, and yet I would go for the exam itself. The heart beats too fast, and I can not get it any assistant

Goodies!

I eat a healthy diet with the exception of delicacies. They have been my problem. No matter how many additives, coloring agents, flavor enhancers, or even if the toxins in them, and still eat them. Plain food, however, I observe. Crazy? Black is. It's like those delights would not apply the same rules as ordinary foods. And there's nothing, if I eat them, say, once a week. I eat almost every day something like candy or sipsiä. I guess I'm kinda addicted to them. Should start candy and sipsilakko now for a little while, I guess they do not otherwise get rid of it!

Convenience Store checkout is often working at one of the wonderful boy. Then I would never buy sipsiä or large bags of candy, but if I buy, so only a 100-gram sachet. I laugh sometimes be such a silly girl! Just as the boy does not then he could guess that I eat a little bit more goodies. Oh, and hardly something to trade cash now anyway interested in my shopping and eating. On the other hand pretty good, that is a limiting factor in my gluttony!

Today I went to 50 minutes of jogging. Week should come to at least a further two hours of exercise more. Otherwise it's been quite an energetic day, and I got early in the morning to the University lectures. I took care of one of degree kurssikorvaavuuden, which I have tried to treat half a year and thinking about it almost every day. I have not yet taken kandintutkintoa out, because there is just such stupid little things to be done. Although I love the university, then slowly starting to feel like I figure that this step would already be over.

Healthy life

Yesterday, wonder of wonders, I went to mass workout. Punttijumpassa, which is probably similar to the pump body. trained with weights of all the movements, and there is no aerobic hyppelyosuutta. Lunge has always been a nightmare for me business, and indeed yesterday was no exception either. I did it without weights, and I still could hardly cope. It was forced to cheat and take short breaks. After an hour the legs were wobbly jelly and I thought, I can not get home to capsize a furious 300 meters walking distance. Today I have been well aware of the fact that I am jumpannut yesterday. AUAU. Must have the strength, the energy to move the body of this! Yesterday I was again the only fat man hours. There certainly was no one over 70 kilos, so I was at least 30 pounds heavier than the other. Nicely I could compare myself to. I guess I have some fat radar, which is looking for as soon as the other fat.

Somehow embarrassing sports, when there is a fat. I do not know why, pitäähän fat in sports and one fat man it's there jumppsalin outside. And rightly expect that either, that the lost weight first and then play sports.

Gourmets today karkkipussilla 110 grams, which did not even mind. It was only forced to eat. Fortunately, only about a little, and I do not in any 300 grams. The bad conscience of finding yet, even the way I have just eaten in moderation today.

After a long time

Almost a year has passed from the time I wrote here last. After all, it turns Writing course in mind, but I just have not got around to it. A lot has happened, but at the same time, however, nothing. I think, however, that I have somewhat grown up, and I no longer have a problem with a bouquet of hajoileva than ever.

I started in the autumn of Master's seminar. Yes, I thought, and sometimes even to graduate. There are no studies so much left as I thought. New Year's Resolutions font will be completed at Christmas 2012, or no later than the beginning of 2013. I do not know whether it will happen, but at the moment it looks quite possible. If only I can get it done my master's thesis.

Well, I promised this year to find their man and alkavani socialize. There is even less success no guarantee either, but at least I do not feel so abominable ällötykseksi that I could use to anyone. I respect myself and I am worthy of love.

Perennial terapiani ended at Christmas. It came as a bit of a bad joint, when I was in the autumn of the quite unwell. On the other hand now when self-esteem is a little better, maybe I can manage without it.

The weight is the same readings as alkuvuodestakin, although in the summer I began laiharin, again. It did not take very long. I got as a result of the fall of the ballet lower back injury, which I have now kuntoutellut. This week's Monday night, I noticed that throughout the day there was no pain. Now I have been three days painless, so may have to go back to the gym the gym to recover those lost muscles.

I eat in honor of Laiharin point with iiiiison cheese cake, cupcake coffee. Later in the evening, then maybe aerobics.

unrealized dreams

I do not remember if I ever told here good wishes as to how I would like to really live. I would like to be a housewife. I lived with a wonderful man and three children in rural areas. Kuljeskelisin outdoors in yellow wellies and I would laugh a lot. Playful with children, kokkaisin much, hoitaisimme plant the land and animals, the inside of a home, I would. We have cats, at least one dog, a pony, and perhaps some other animals. I'm dreaming of a farm, just a peaceful life in the country. As I recall, this is a dream I've had before hurahtamista interior design blogs, but let's not it ever be able to know where to even this inspiration has come. Home Motherhood daydreaming yes already in high school, but the countryside has become thoughts later.

I imagine the life in the countryside less hurried and less stressful. It may be that there I would be stressed out from the darkness and scared of dying burglary. I do not know if I would be any good mother, and we could go on laughing even in the least.

It do not think that this could be my future. However, there is always room for dreams. Dreams to get up in the morning out of bed. How to know it, even if it should be the future husband when I step out the door tomorrow.

My life is next week

I am currently in my friend's house a summer vacation trip. This farther I am not able to get any of this summer. It is here the marine and outdoor swimming pool. At home, do not have them, so I guess this now, then, is pretty nice. The air is quite cold though, so I really can not go for a swim. By the way, I'm not quite sure I dare.

Waiting for the results of a painful desperation, Turku and Jyväskylä future next week. I want them now. I want to design my life and next autumn. Irritating so hard, after all, is quite open. Plans must be clear, otherwise I can not. No, it does not help that the next week is clearing a bit, I would like to design now! What most I can do before that? Nothing. Now I'm trying to calm down a little bit here in my friend's house and be without any stress. At present, perhaps the most stressaan fact, if I have to one full-time work in the autumn. I will not make any hard and scared that I need, and then everything goes back quite spoiled.

Harass

Now oppresses so much. If I were not such a coward, I'd kill myself. How anyone can play this Allo fat ugly stupid cow? I've never seen such ugly people, which takes me back to myself in the mirror. I can not be. I can not live. In the world there is no room for me.

I can not be in my apartment, because there is stiflingly hot. There shines directly from the sun throughout the day, and there is no balcony, no nothing. Only one room with a large window. Yard I can not go, because I'm ugly, so I dread. There, all the house grannies and grandpas sitting kyttäämässä and gossip. I do not want to go there. I live under a magnifying glass every time I leave ovestani rappuun.

How does this kind of person live? How I was able to be born into this world? God must have undergone the worst sort of mistake, no other explanation for this may come up.

Summer, Part 1

I have made plans for the summer. They have been forced to do, when there is no summer job I'm doing and if there would be no timetable, hajoilisin just around again.

* I write ten essays in political science cumuun. This requires reading the ten cumun book.

* I write the two missing script task communication. This would now need to happen in the next couple of days, otherwise there will be hell.

* I study every day for at least an hour or so French.

* I read philosophy.

* Tan.

* My hobbies physical activity every day.

* I meet my friends, even those that are feeling like maybe I did not meet.

* I make myself healthy food.

And I do not lintsaa any of this stuff list.

Friday the 13th?

It was not today, but if I were superstitious, so I think it was. In the morning I went to the gym and will train there agree an hour, until I went to pukkariin to blow and at the same time, that I have something to behold handkerchief dust in the bottom of the trousers I found. Well, was not, but had small holes which shone through the white cotton-alkkarit. I do not know realizes that no one, probably not, but it still was embarrassed! I then went further cross trainer for half an hour, I thought that just the same when I'm there already was, however.

I came home dropper drinking glass kitchen sink to the floor and it went quite a thousand shards. the biggest Noukittuani shrapnel I took a vacuum cleaner, and lo and behold, it was somehow broken down and absorbed properly at all. Our bathroom mirror cabinet attacked yet by the sink on the floor newish eye shadow, from which the second button (it is dark) broke up and spread around, of course, most of the white kylppärinmatolle. And the vacuum cleaner still does not work properly.

Today, not only was my day. Best to stay indoors and not to touch anything with anything.

Siwan fund anxiety

After the test of Jyväskylä struck anxiety. I do not in any university, while all. I talked about it today with Psykonet and anxiety more. If I can not, I have ties to work and training experiments, ammatinvalintapsykologille ... If I do not now, then the area is not correct! Help! No sector is not wrong, the area is completely correct. I just panicked. I guess I'm not. I study for a BBA and end Siwan Checkout rest of my life.

I've heard that leave my life on one card. Well, I'm glad that I figured even a single card, but it has now heard enough. Should have more plans, contingency plan contingency plan. I can not stand this anymore!

I want to kill myself mainly.

tanned fat on

Wiljami can be a little better today. Soldering iron it by dipping my finger in water and letting it lick it, but then it began to drink even yourself, as long as the cups raised and tilted it appropriately. I'm still hopeful about its improvement. It does not get any better. Since Wiljami now, however, is a little better shape, I'll go tomorrow to visit the entrance examinations in Jyväskylä, Finland. However, in the morning I go to visit my parents yet, and I will remain in Jyväskylä after the test to hang out, so I had time in the evening to watch the Wiljam yet. I do not want to think that I've rejected it.

It is probably quite useless trip to go and see them in experiments. I'm going anyway, at least I try to. I have already almost planned for next year with a view that I can not get into any college. Even now. I stay in Tampere and I read in the open as much as possible studies. I do not get stressed from work or any of that. I'll get myself into shape, that is, at last, begin to undergo regular therapy. That I sometimes should be intact.

I have taken the sun as kesällähän be brown. Admittedly, lightly tanned skin looks beautiful. Brown fat is always prettier than white fat man! It is a summer motto. I hardly dare to the beach this summer. Last summer, I attended a several times, and I felt like a whale. Maybe I will not bother to go there to scare children. Yes I probably scare even adults.

Still time to pääsykoekirjaa.

Wiljami

Figure Wiljami last summer. Wiljami is now really out of shape, does not eat, does not drink, only sleeps and walks staggering, and no longer have even a box to pee. I am so sad. Maybe I do not ever want to no animal. Giving up is too painful.

I have just read today. I had my parents to stroke Wiljam and I tried to solder it by dipping a finger into the water and forced to lick water from it. That they might drink a little. Not very successful.

Why do all the good in my life disappears gradually? Nothing good is ever going to replace.
I went through the trafficking As I went home, wanted to bake brownies mansikkakuorrutuksella. I did not realize to buy sugar. I did not realize that when baked, baked goods usually put sugar. I put it instead Hermesetas, but it does not properly drive the same thing.