unrealized dreams

I do not remember if I ever told here good wishes as to how I would like to really live. I would like to be a housewife. I lived with a wonderful man and three children in rural areas. Kuljeskelisin outdoors in yellow wellies and I would laugh a lot. Playful with children, kokkaisin much, hoitaisimme plant the land and animals, the inside of a home, I would. We have cats, at least one dog, a pony, and perhaps some other animals. I'm dreaming of a farm, just a peaceful life in the country. As I recall, this is a dream I've had before hurahtamista interior design blogs, but let's not it ever be able to know where to even this inspiration has come. Home Motherhood daydreaming yes already in high school, but the countryside has become thoughts later.

I imagine the life in the countryside less hurried and less stressful. It may be that there I would be stressed out from the darkness and scared of dying burglary. I do not know if I would be any good mother, and we could go on laughing even in the least.

It do not think that this could be my future. However, there is always room for dreams. Dreams to get up in the morning out of bed. How to know it, even if it should be the future husband when I step out the door tomorrow.

My life is next week

I am currently in my friend's house a summer vacation trip. This farther I am not able to get any of this summer. It is here the marine and outdoor swimming pool. At home, do not have them, so I guess this now, then, is pretty nice. The air is quite cold though, so I really can not go for a swim. By the way, I'm not quite sure I dare.

Waiting for the results of a painful desperation, Turku and Jyväskylä future next week. I want them now. I want to design my life and next autumn. Irritating so hard, after all, is quite open. Plans must be clear, otherwise I can not. No, it does not help that the next week is clearing a bit, I would like to design now! What most I can do before that? Nothing. Now I'm trying to calm down a little bit here in my friend's house and be without any stress. At present, perhaps the most stressaan fact, if I have to one full-time work in the autumn. I will not make any hard and scared that I need, and then everything goes back quite spoiled.

Harass

Now oppresses so much. If I were not such a coward, I'd kill myself. How anyone can play this Allo fat ugly stupid cow? I've never seen such ugly people, which takes me back to myself in the mirror. I can not be. I can not live. In the world there is no room for me.

I can not be in my apartment, because there is stiflingly hot. There shines directly from the sun throughout the day, and there is no balcony, no nothing. Only one room with a large window. Yard I can not go, because I'm ugly, so I dread. There, all the house grannies and grandpas sitting kyttäämässä and gossip. I do not want to go there. I live under a magnifying glass every time I leave ovestani rappuun.

How does this kind of person live? How I was able to be born into this world? God must have undergone the worst sort of mistake, no other explanation for this may come up.

Summer, Part 1

I have made plans for the summer. They have been forced to do, when there is no summer job I'm doing and if there would be no timetable, hajoilisin just around again.

* I write ten essays in political science cumuun. This requires reading the ten cumun book.

* I write the two missing script task communication. This would now need to happen in the next couple of days, otherwise there will be hell.

* I study every day for at least an hour or so French.

* I read philosophy.

* Tan.

* My hobbies physical activity every day.

* I meet my friends, even those that are feeling like maybe I did not meet.

* I make myself healthy food.

And I do not lintsaa any of this stuff list.

Friday the 13th?

It was not today, but if I were superstitious, so I think it was. In the morning I went to the gym and will train there agree an hour, until I went to pukkariin to blow and at the same time, that I have something to behold handkerchief dust in the bottom of the trousers I found. Well, was not, but had small holes which shone through the white cotton-alkkarit. I do not know realizes that no one, probably not, but it still was embarrassed! I then went further cross trainer for half an hour, I thought that just the same when I'm there already was, however.

I came home dropper drinking glass kitchen sink to the floor and it went quite a thousand shards. the biggest Noukittuani shrapnel I took a vacuum cleaner, and lo and behold, it was somehow broken down and absorbed properly at all. Our bathroom mirror cabinet attacked yet by the sink on the floor newish eye shadow, from which the second button (it is dark) broke up and spread around, of course, most of the white kylppärinmatolle. And the vacuum cleaner still does not work properly.

Today, not only was my day. Best to stay indoors and not to touch anything with anything.

Siwan fund anxiety

After the test of Jyväskylä struck anxiety. I do not in any university, while all. I talked about it today with Psykonet and anxiety more. If I can not, I have ties to work and training experiments, ammatinvalintapsykologille ... If I do not now, then the area is not correct! Help! No sector is not wrong, the area is completely correct. I just panicked. I guess I'm not. I study for a BBA and end Siwan Checkout rest of my life.

I've heard that leave my life on one card. Well, I'm glad that I figured even a single card, but it has now heard enough. Should have more plans, contingency plan contingency plan. I can not stand this anymore!

I want to kill myself mainly.

tanned fat on

Wiljami can be a little better today. Soldering iron it by dipping my finger in water and letting it lick it, but then it began to drink even yourself, as long as the cups raised and tilted it appropriately. I'm still hopeful about its improvement. It does not get any better. Since Wiljami now, however, is a little better shape, I'll go tomorrow to visit the entrance examinations in Jyväskylä, Finland. However, in the morning I go to visit my parents yet, and I will remain in Jyväskylä after the test to hang out, so I had time in the evening to watch the Wiljam yet. I do not want to think that I've rejected it.

It is probably quite useless trip to go and see them in experiments. I'm going anyway, at least I try to. I have already almost planned for next year with a view that I can not get into any college. Even now. I stay in Tampere and I read in the open as much as possible studies. I do not get stressed from work or any of that. I'll get myself into shape, that is, at last, begin to undergo regular therapy. That I sometimes should be intact.

I have taken the sun as kesällähän be brown. Admittedly, lightly tanned skin looks beautiful. Brown fat is always prettier than white fat man! It is a summer motto. I hardly dare to the beach this summer. Last summer, I attended a several times, and I felt like a whale. Maybe I will not bother to go there to scare children. Yes I probably scare even adults.

Still time to pääsykoekirjaa.